Loud Chewing - Daily Planner

This is not a real book. It’s actually a functional notebook/journal with a ridiculous fake book cover. Or, as we call it, a Phantom Book. Because why have a boring journal when that space could be used diabolically? Carry it into a meeting. Leave it on your desk. Gift it to a friend with absolutely no explanation.

Loud Chewing: And Other Things That Make Me Consider Manslaughter is disguised as a thoughtful behavioral study of the tiny everyday annoyances that push otherwise reasonable adults toward psychological collapse—from open-mouth chewing and fork-tooth contact to public nail clipping, relentless leg shaking, and opening a bag of chips during the quietest moment of a movie.

Perfect for White Elephant gift exchanges, Secret Santa, birthdays, coworker gifts, office parties, stocking stuffers, funny gifts for friends, and gifts for people who are impossible to shop for. It’s especially suited to people who hate chewing sounds, easily annoyed friends, coworkers with strong opinions, introverts, misophonia sufferers, and anyone who loves relatable humor, sarcastic gifts, absurd books, and jokes about the tiny behaviors that make other humans unbearable.

Unlike most gag gifts, this one is actually useful: once the joke lands, you’ve still got a real notebook for notes, lists, ideas, or keeping a detailed record of everyone who chews too loudly.

The cover is the joke. The pages are yours.